Letting go… one of the hardest concepts in life.
Think about all the things that are hard to let go of. Right down to material possessions like old clothes and homes, I think humans really struggle to let go. There are things that are harder to release yourself from like memories, both good and bad, people, thoughts, whether negative or positive, our own toxic traits, and so many other things.
As I think about the year 2020, one of the things I struggled with the hardest was letting go. I’d guess that everyone has had some struggles this year. This has been a year full of “will things ever be normal again?” We have clung so tightly to what once was that, at times, it has been difficult to enjoy where we are now.
My inability to let go has taken so much joy from my days in the last year. When I say that, I know I am judging my own feelings, which is not okay, but I am choosing to hang on to this, and I know that. I have been in situations that have been incredibly difficult this year. There have been lost loved ones, friendships that have ended, moments of incredible uncertainty, mourning the loss of what once was in my job, and a ton of time spent alone to agonize over all of the above.
Here is the thing, we ALL carry baggage. Even people who will tell you to “just let it go,” are carrying full suitcases of shit from their past. Ever had a situation cause you to struggle to trust others? Baggage. Ever carried old hurts into new relationships? Baggage. Ever let your childhood trauma cause troubles in your adult life? Baggage. I could go on, but you get the point. Is we’re going to carry baggage regardless, how do we do it in a healthy way?
Resolutions are definitely ridiculous and often don’t end favorably. That said, maybe what I need to do in 2021 and beyond, is learn to let go of certain things and carry the rest in a better way. Maybe the best thing to do is remember that while 2020 was insanely challenging, I have never had a year where I learned more.
Despite all the tears, loss, and struggles, there was beauty that came out of a tough year. I learned to let go of my fears and judgement and recognize that I have feelings, lots of them, and feeling them is better than constantly stuffing them. I learned that I am blessed by some really true friendships that have helped me through some big challenges. I also learned that there were some friendships that just weren’t meant to be that I will always miss, and maybe never completely understand the loss of. I have learned a lot about death, grief, and loss, including a solid working knowledge of how I process grief. I have learned that my thoughts about things control my feelings, and not the other way around, which means I am capable of changing my own narrative if I focus on thinking differently. I have basically learned to get real with myself, even when it’s the hardest thing to do.
Maybe I don’t have the whole “letting go” thing down yet, and maybe I never will. Maybe, just maybe, it is okay to hang onto some things when you clean out your closet. When you dig deep into your closet, you almost always find that awful crop top you wore in your early 20’s, and its easy to put that in the donation bag… however, you probably have some fun memories made wearing that thing that you can keep without hanging onto the actual shirt. Odds are, you also have some less than stellar memories in that crop top, which you can also hang onto… but find a new shirt too, make memories in it, learn lessons wearing it, eventually get rid of the actual shirt, keep more memories, but keep the ones you choose to keep. You can do the same with the stages of life. It is possible to accept that that phase (the crop top phase) is over, let go of what you choose to and keep what you choose to.
Here is to a happy and healthy 2021, full of new experiences, lessons, and hopefully a lot of love for ourselves and those around us.
Life Of Kristin: An Experiment in Creativity 