Body image as a female is a super fun thing. I can promise you that even the most in shape women you see are picking themselves apart. Something is too big, too thin, looks funny, etc. We all do it and we all have days where we are overcome with not feeling good about how we look. Bad hair days and fat days are very much real things in the world of being a female, and its rough.
I feel so fortunate when I look back on the last several months of my life. I am learning to appreciate my body and what it can do. I can look in the mirror and see at least some things that I love about myself. I don’t see perfection, and I probably never will, but I don’t hate how I look. Most of you know that I love to lift weights and do crossfit. I am so grateful for these things and what they bring to my life for several reasons.
First, I am currently surrounded by an incredible fitness minded community. I have a whole tribe of people with similar goals to mine who listen to me when I’m upset that I feel bloated and gross, but who also cheer me on when I PR a big lift. They tell me when to pull my head out of my ass and stop beating myself up and force me to appreciate what my body can do. They sit by my side when I literally cry through a workout because I just came back from the worst illness of my adult life and I am slow and weak and struggling. They remind me that even though I still hate burpees, I might have gotten a little faster at them. They push me to level up. How lucky am I to have such an incredible group of people in my life?
My confidence is in a place lately that I never knew was possible. I feel strong and capable, both mentally and physically. There are a whole lot less “I can’ts” and a lot more thinking about how I can do things. This has bled into a better mentality at work and home. It has also helped me to stand up for myself in situations where I might not have in the past. My whole attitude is better and I feel happy. I feel like I finally found the thing that filled an empty spot in my life.
My body image has changed so much. I rarely weigh myself, but I know that my body composition has changed to less body fat and more muscle. I don’t even care about weighing myself… I can’t remember the last time I had a healthy mentality about the scale. Maybe never until now. Not stressing on the scale and just trying to gain strength has been like freedom for me. I am too busy worrying about how to make my body stronger to worry about if I gained a pound this month. I have managed to lose inches off my body without really losing weight and that is a much bigger victory for me, personally.
I know that people have their opinions on crossfit and women who lift. I have heard comments about “not getting too muscular” or “looking masculine” on multiple occasions. That’s cool, everyone has the right to their own thoughts. The cool thing is that my very feminine body can put up some serious numbers lifting. I don’t feel like I look masculine. I look like a strong and capable woman. I look like someone who is maximizing what their body can do. I feel very comfortable in my skin. The opinions of others don’t change how I feel about myself. I was never doing this for anyone else, anyway… I was always doing it for me. Always.
Life Of Kristin: An Experiment in Creativity 