Ahhh, yes, Christmas… that time of year that we are supposed to embrace the time with family, the kerfuffle of retail madness, the snow, and the people who seem entirely too happy to be real. Some people really seem to flourish during the holiday season, and I envy them in the craziest of ways. You see, I am one of those people that really tries and wants to be good at the holidays. I want to walk around shouting “Merry Christmas!” from the rooftops and singing Christmas carols, but, alas, that just isn’t who I am. I’ve officially realized that there are two types of people during the holidays, the person I’ve described being envious of and the person that I am.
The holidays make me cringe in a way I can’t explain. I just don’t get that joyous, wonderful feeling that some people get. I am a grinch. It’s official, and I know it. I don’t like Christmas music, and I really dislike the commercial nature of this time of year. However, there are things that I love about this time of year. I love to unwind, relax, and spend precious time with friends and family. I love to look around and reflect on my life. I love to take a deep breath and realize how lucky I am to have incredible friends and family around me. I thoroughly enjoy curling up in a blanket and drinking coffee or red wine and thinking about my life with a deep sense of gratitude.
As I think about my life and what I want for myself in 2018, I’ve realized there are several things I want to give to myself in the new year. I am not one for resolutions, because you know how that goes… you have a plan, and by March you’ve soon forgotten about what you thought was so important in January. These are really things that I’ve been working on continuously and just hope to really focus on going forward.
I want to laugh more. My friends know I am a silly person and I tend to make light of situations that aren’t always easy. However, I take life too seriously sometimes and I get wound up about things that I should not let bother me. Life is crazy, and it’s not always easy, but we need to laugh more instead of taking ourselves so damn seriously. At the end of the day, I know I can’t control everything, or really anything… so it’s time for me to find humor in it. I have a great smile and the world needs to see it more.
I want to be more open to letting people care about me. That sounds ridiculous, but I am that person that doesn’t want to let others care about me. I want to care about them, but as soon as anyone expresses concern for me or my well-being, a fortress as tall as the Eiffel Tower goes up around me. Instead of taking the concern of others as love, I tend to think that they are trying to tell me what to do. After some intense thought and conversation, I have made it a goal to thank people for caring about me and mean it. I have some absolutely incredible people in my life and I am so lucky that they care about me… so it’s probably time to be grateful instead of being an asshole. 😉
I am going to take better care of myself mentally and physically in 2018. This isn’t some “new year, new me” bullshit… at all. I can’t stand that crap. Do I want to get my ass in better shape? You bet! That’s definitely a part of all of this. I want to be a stronger version of myself, and I am going to be. I am going to get to the gym more, but I am also going to surround myself with good people, smile more, have more fun adventures, and stress less. I think that mental and physical health go hand in hand. I have every intention of nurturing both going forward.
I will be a better friend going forward. I feel so blessed to have the people I do in my life… I have so many great friends. I honestly look around and wonder how I got so damn lucky. Most people have 1-2 close friends… I can’t even count the number of people I call close friends on two hands. That’s a lot of people who legitimately care about me and want the best for me. I need to nurture these relationships better and really make sure these people know how much I love and appreciate what they bring to my life. I will be there for them at a whole new level. I will take care of the people who are loyal to me above all other aspects of my life.
Last, but certainly not least, I will love myself more. I will be happy with who I am and who I am becoming. I will stop wondering if I am good enough. I AM good enough… and that is all.
How’s that for some internal reflection from the last few days… yeah, I’ve been thinking… I know you’re all wondering what that’s about…
In the meantime, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours. I hope you all have time to reflect as well. Enjoy these precious moments with the people you love, because you’ll never get them back. Laugh with your friends and family like you really mean it. Surround yourself with as much love as possible. Tell your older relatives that you love them, because there’s a chance this is the last holiday season you will get with them. Take a much-needed deep breath and smile.
XOXO,
The Grinch
Life Of Kristin: An Experiment in Creativity 